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EVIL FAERIES – Tooth Fairies

January 14, 2010

Tooth Fairy

Do you remember the tooth fairy as a child? If you lost a tooth, you left it beneath your pillow, and she’d leave a quarter behind. You then found out it was your mother doing this, and lost a bit of your innocence. Well, it turns out that tooth fairies are real after all. They’re tiny little bastards, with sharp teeth that can bite through almost anything. They eat constantly, stopping only to poop so they can make more room for food. The reason they’re called tooth fairies is they subsist almost entirely on a diet of pure calcium (which your teeth are filled with).

This makes them extraordinarily dangerous when confronted in large numbers. They’ll immediately swarm around a victim, going for the teeth and digging through the person’s flesh in order to get at the bones. There are a few preventative steps that you can take to protect yourself – make sure to never brush your teeth, use mouthwash, or drink milk of any kind. Your teeth will quickly rot away to nothing and your bones will weaken dramatically, so any tooth fairies that you stumble across will likely forego you for a more appetizing feast.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 28, 2010 8:41 pm

    wtf are you high

  2. July 11, 2011 8:18 pm

    uh… confused…? wtf????

  3. September 27, 2012 2:54 am

    Actually, this is exactly what I tell my 7yo.

    By the way, where is the image from? I recognize it, but can’t place it. (and, I also stole it when I googled for images of a ‘tooth-eating fairy.’ What do you know, this was my first hit.

    • blogofbad permalink*
      September 27, 2012 11:34 am

      Hi there.

      If I remember correctly, the image is from Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. It’s one of the tooth fairies that they fight in the early part of the movie.

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